Alice

 

My scalp is itching like an infestation of infatuation that is too much to contain
Like the blood flowing through my veins is boiling over and about to reach a breaking point that I can’t restrain
It’s in moments like this that for once having ignorance would actually be bliss
But unfortunately I learn too fast to have that luxury as an option
Yet because of my disastrous stride so many life lessons just get carelessly tossed aside
Never again to cross my mind, even as so much as a footnote
No, my life is more like slamming nails solidly into a coffin before there’s even a body in it
It’s like jumping down a rabbit hole not knowing what’s going to happen next
But willingly accepting the food and drink when you arrive at the bottom because the instructions make sense
Then standing there happily amongst the madness, as thoughts float past my peripheral consciousness and I only choose time to abide a few
There I find the ringing in my ears
Somewhere in the back alleyways of my neural pathways lingers the derivative trail that lead me to this
Remembering every minor detail makes for a hard hit
Like, how can I even begin to feel like I’ve lived when, fate granted, there’s so much more living to do
Yet consistently I find myself unsatisfied and just admitting that could shatter me like faulted glass
Finding that I am unable to commit to anything that might give me peace
As reality sets in and the deafening staccato of my pulse subsides only to the ringing in my ears and a sharp intake of air
Slowly I slip into those bedraggled alleyways willing diving after my own white rabbit
And I indulge in all that I should ignore
Sometimes it’s just simpler to resign to numbing myself and running as fast as I can towards the unknown instead of doing what makes sense
Slowing down and actually living, instead of slipping past afraid of consequence, actually learning
And setting down roots, learning like a tree, reaching for all the sunken un-glorified grit grounded around the warren
Instead of losing myself in it, finding the history of it
The real wisdom that lies not in the finessed final structure, but in the rough draft of the supports
Not in the uplifting or the appealing artistry, but in the dejected ignorance we have in making all the details we disapprove of disappear
Into this I finally clumsily crash
My skin flaking away leaving rounded scars because it can’t stretch enough to take the stress
I let the numbness recede to sweet pain that ultimately ebbs the ringing in my ears and keeps me here a little longer
If only for me to come to realize that Alice did not take a nice trip to wonderland
She voluntarily dove head first into hell

So viola!!! My first poem with accompanying audio! I hope you all enjoy it!

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2 thoughts on “Alice

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