Standing

So more new experimental writing this week. I’m definitely stretching my mind here and doing a lot of reading, and a lot of writing exercises. This poem is my latest and its been through about a dozen edits… I’m still not happy with it but I’ve decided its finished so voila!

 

Standing

 

Standing here wondering if,

If this is all worth it.

It feels like I’ve got it all,

All right this time.

Time to think, it makes me feel so jumpy,

Jumpy, nervous, shy and tired.

Tired of running this race,

Race, racing, everything feels so far.

Far away especially is,

Is the feeling of control.

Controlling every single aspect of Life,

Life seems to follow its own path.

Path, on it all seems quiet, but,

But that quiet is only in my mind.

Mind, got to get out of it or I’m…

I’m still standing here, wondering.

Wondering, if all there is , is just,

Just standing.

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2 thoughts on “Standing

  1. Standing here wondering if,
    If this is all worth it.
    It feels like I’ve got it all,
    All right this time.
    Time to think, it makes me feel so jumpy,
    Jumpy, nervous, shy and tired.
    Tired of running this race,
    Race, racing, everything feels so far.
    Far away especially is,
    Is the feeling of control.
    Controlling every single aspect of Life,
    Life seems to follow its own path.
    Path, on it all seems quiet, but,
    But that quiet is only in my mind.
    Mind, got to get out of it or I’m…
    I’m still standing here, wondering.
    Wondering, if all there is , is just,
    Just standing.

    I especially enjoy the risk you’ve taken here (format wise), in particular its unorthodox rhyme scheme (ie: if/it, time/tired, mind/I’m, wondering/standing).
    If there’s one thing I’d like to see more of, its the rhyme play. Don’t give up what you’ve got, so much as dig deeper into it; I’d suggest breaking it up into stanzas, and worrying more about what words you start on, rather than end on.

    Looking forward to more,
    ~GMcG

    • It was originally broken up into stanzas but for some reason when I type it up on here it just puts all the lines together.. I don’t know how to format it to make my posts look like I want them to 😦 Begining and ending the sentences with the same word was an exercise given to me by my poetry professor… I found it rather challenging and I think that came trough more than my voice did unfortunately..

      Thanks for all your advice by the way!! I find your commets really encouraging and helpful! At least I know there is one person who does actually read through my work, enjoys it and knows how to give good advice about it. 🙂

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