Self-Worth

Firstly sorry for barely posting. Life is busy and sitting at my computer to post things just isn’t on the top of my priority list.

Anywho, lately I feel like sharing stuff I’ve just finished writing, which is odd. As I’ve said before I normally keep my work to myself for quite a while before sharing it with anyone. But I am trying to be brave with my writing especially, so here is a new piece I just finished about 10 minutes ago.

Hope you like it because this one is quite hard for me to share.

 

Self-Worth

 

I often think that my self-worth is attached to

The ideas other people have of me

And often that leads me to believe

Wholeheartedly, that self pity is the best medicine

I selfishly think that I am not better for your having been here

But worse off for your leaving me

Despite the fact that most times when I think of you

I can only remember the bad

I remember the fights and long sleepless nights

The constant drum of your criticisms

The bruises your fingers left on my arm too often

And yet my mind still defines me by you

I have to force myself to smile

My whole life affected by the bile that rises

From my the pit of my stomach

Bringing with it the insecurities I think you tied to me

Feeling more like my life is stuck in a tornado

Reeling me around in the debris

Then stopping suddenly and throwing me down

I hit rock bottom, beaten and broken

Desperately reining in my freedom

Letting myself forget that I am me

And only I can define me

And that only I can let my self be stunted

Then I let my tears flow and I stand up

I stop and force myself to actually think

I remember that, in spite of all the bad

There was good there, there is good here

I let my strength return to my conscience

I tell myself, as I have many times,

That my idea of self does not depend on anyone else

Not a man, or women, friend or lover or stranger

My strength is not defined in my ability

To run a marathon or hide behind a mask

Whenever I face difficulty

But instead it resides in my tears

In those moments when I am hit so hard

Pulling myself up seems impossible

But I go ahead with it anyway

I let my tears hit the hard ground

I let go, I let your opinions go

I let every word about me from anyone else go

I let the false weight of my appearance disappear

As quickly as the dust settles after the storm clears

I get up, I keep going

In my wake the evidence of growth

Watered by strength

My self-worth left only to me

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8 thoughts on “Self-Worth

  1. Delightful, heartfelt and insightful. There’s a real beauty in your rhythms.
    I read it aloud and especially liked:

    “I remember the fights and long sleepless nights
    The constant drum of your criticisms”

    &

    “Feeling more like my life is stuck in a tornado
    Reeling me around in the debris
    Then stopping suddenly and throwing me down
    I hit rock bottom, beaten and broken”

    Even more than just a strong image, it rolls off the tongue softly.
    As a suggestion, I urge you to play with spacing and stanza breaks, to help group thoughts together and make it easier on the eyes.

    Keep it up!
    ~GMcG

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