Self-Worth

Firstly sorry for barely posting. Life is busy and sitting at my computer to post things just isn’t on the top of my priority list.

Anywho, lately I feel like sharing stuff I’ve just finished writing, which is odd. As I’ve said before I normally keep my work to myself for quite a while before sharing it with anyone. But I am trying to be brave with my writing especially, so here is a new piece I just finished about 10 minutes ago.

Hope you like it because this one is quite hard for me to share.

 

Self-Worth

 

I often think that my self-worth is attached to

The ideas other people have of me

And often that leads me to believe

Wholeheartedly, that self pity is the best medicine

I selfishly think that I am not better for your having been here

But worse off for your leaving me

Despite the fact that most times when I think of you

I can only remember the bad

I remember the fights and long sleepless nights

The constant drum of your criticisms

The bruises your fingers left on my arm too often

And yet my mind still defines me by you

I have to force myself to smile

My whole life affected by the bile that rises

From my the pit of my stomach

Bringing with it the insecurities I think you tied to me

Feeling more like my life is stuck in a tornado

Reeling me around in the debris

Then stopping suddenly and throwing me down

I hit rock bottom, beaten and broken

Desperately reining in my freedom

Letting myself forget that I am me

And only I can define me

And that only I can let my self be stunted

Then I let my tears flow and I stand up

I stop and force myself to actually think

I remember that, in spite of all the bad

There was good there, there is good here

I let my strength return to my conscience

I tell myself, as I have many times,

That my idea of self does not depend on anyone else

Not a man, or women, friend or lover or stranger

My strength is not defined in my ability

To run a marathon or hide behind a mask

Whenever I face difficulty

But instead it resides in my tears

In those moments when I am hit so hard

Pulling myself up seems impossible

But I go ahead with it anyway

I let my tears hit the hard ground

I let go, I let your opinions go

I let every word about me from anyone else go

I let the false weight of my appearance disappear

As quickly as the dust settles after the storm clears

I get up, I keep going

In my wake the evidence of growth

Watered by strength

My self-worth left only to me

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Thanksgiving, just a little late…:)

So I wanted to write something meaningful and all warm and happy for Thanksgiving, but I wanted to write it in French and English. And since my French grammar skills are a little rusty and I haven’t been in a studying mood lately it took me a few days. I meant to have it ready for this morning. Oh well, it got done at least.:)

Of course I am Canadian, but this is Happy Thanksgiving post to my American friends as well! (Even though its more than a month away!)

Enjoy!

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”  «Comme nous l’exprimons notre gratitude, nous devons pas oublier que la plus haute appréciation n’est pas de prononcer des mots, mais à vivre par eux.»-John F. Kennedy

“Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.”  «L’action de la grâce est, après tout, une action.»-W.J. Cameron

Remember being thankful is one thing, living thankfully is another. Life is hard, and we like to complain; but when we stop complaining and live thankfully, with love, then we really are living life to the fullest. Even if this seems too simple, it is the greatest way to live. It makes all the difference.

Souviens d’être reconnaissants c’est une chose, pour vivre heureusement c’est  une autre chose. La vie est dure, et on aime à se plaindre; mais quand nous arrêter de se plaindre et nous commençons à vivre heureusement, sans oublier l’amour, alors nous vivons vraiment la vie au maximum. Même si cela semble trop simple, c’est la meilleure façon de vivre. Ça fait toute la différence.

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other.” «Si nous n’avons pas la paix, c’est parce que nous avons oublié que nous appartenons les uns aux autres.» -Mother Theresa

Be thankful for the ones you belong too and who belong to you. All the people you treasure in your life. The good relationships we have are what is truly important.

Soyez reconnaissants pour ceux a que vous appartenez a, et a qui vous appartient. Toutes les personnes qui vous sont chères. Les bonnes relations que nous entretenons sont ce qui est le plus important dans la vie.

Bonne Action de Grâce! Happy Thanksgiving!

Words that endure…

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

First off Dickens can be picked up at anytime and his words just make life a little less painful to deal with. Just try it, grab one of his works and start reading. Even if you’ve read it a hundred times, I promise something will connect with you in a way it never has before.

Anyway back to the quote. I’ve been having a roller coaster of emotions lately over a lot of things in life and decided to pick up my well-worn copy of Great Expectations and of course this is the first paragraph to stick out to me. It happened to be so potent it made me cry even more than I already was.

I grew up in an interesting family to say the least, my mother a person who encouraged emotions in an almost pushy manner. And my father a 1950’s born product of the nuclear family model. No emotions, children are seen and not heard, and nothing is ever talked about. Despite all of the contradictory methods my parents implemented, emotionally and otherwise, I grew up firmly believing hiding your emotions away is bulls***.

Crying and freaking out can make you see things in different light. You need to let emotions out. However you let them out, hopefully its in a good way, you just should. No matter why you are upset, it is not a good thing to hold it in. Emotions need to take their course, like the ocean tides, emotions clean you in a way. So let the tide come in and go back out again, let your emotions run their course.